By- Bethanie Jones
My goodness, I know better. Sometimes I wonder if my big heart is a blessing or a curse.
I keep seeing all of these memes on social media about how beautiful fall is because it teaches us how to “let go”. Doesn’t that just make it all sound so easy? Read a meme, drink some pumpkin spice lattes, wear a flannel shirt, and then get a move on with it already. Ha! If only things were that easy.
Today, all I want to do is hold on. I don’t want to let go. I want to stay in my comfort zone, because while my comfort zone can in fact be quite UNcomfortable, I know what to expect. I am all too familiar with this dull ache inside of my soul, and it too, has become a part of me. I know I’ve said this before, but I’m terrified of change. I despise the thought of heart break, and I can’t even imagine what life looks like outside of these walls I’ve created for myself anymore. These walls have become me.
It is in our very human nature to hold on. We falsely attribute things like love, happiness, and security to people, places, jobs, monetary amounts or other superficial things. We tell ourselves that these emotions rely on us “having” these things. I need him, or I won’t be happy. I need that job, or I won’t be happy. I need another baby, or maybe I just one. I need, I need, I need. Please god, just fill this hole inside of me with something, anything.
I’ve noticed in my self-studying that I tend to hold on the most when I am feeling the worst about myself. When I’m feeling the weakest or least self confident- I attach. I become a child who’s petrified of the escalator, and I grapple on until my limbs turn purple.
I guess what we lose touch with is if we were to apply that same amount of effort and strength into easing ourselves onto the stairs, we’d be surprised at what we’re capable of. Just like the escalators, once we let go and surrender, the universe can take over and help us to arrive safely at our destination with little to no effort from us at all.
Sometimes, it’s our own clinging that holds us back. It’s the holding on that keeps us from the lives we’ve always envisioned.
Like the stick in the river, we’ve got to allow ourselves to be lead by it. It may require some bumps and bruises and a few speedy turns, but we’ll end up where we need to be. It likely may not be where we thought we’d end up, but that’s what is so exciting about the universe-its possibilities are sometimes outside of our imagination. We may not be prepared for it, but there is a plan, and there is a final destination. Have faith, take a deep breath and Jump. When something is genuinely meant to be a part of our lives, the entire universe conspires to make it so.